previously:
Chapter 10: the end is not the end
Chapter 11: Hell
Leo’s voice echoed through the darkness, “I know your heart pounded, as it always did, going into combat or tied up waiting to be fucked. The rush was the same. Isn’t that right, Adam?” He laughed, a deep, sinister laugh, causing the PA system to shriek.
I tried to reply but my mouth was gagged with what felt like a modified rubber dental dam; my jaw was forced open like a blow-up doll. I screamed until my throat felt raw. I know it was pointless: no one could help me. And no one would.
Leo laughed even harder. “Well, that was a mistake.”
The black, metal slave collar started to tighten around my throat. The thick wires clenching hard, until it held me as firm as the restraints on my wrists and ankles. I recognized the torture device as the table from a certain remote, Alaskan military hospital. It was a place I found myself way too often, but always all on my own. I was never taken against my will, and always well compensated for my time. This was all my choice. So, why was I even surprised to be waking up in Hell?
The mic uttered an ear-piercing screech. I didn’t think it was possible for a single noise to burst my eardrums while also sucking the air from my lungs. Leo’s message continued, in the same disappointed monotone. “You are not a husband, father, a soldier or even a man. You, Adam, are a fuckboy-slut, put on this earth to amuse others.”
“I know, trust me I know.” I clenched through tears.
“Doctors, military officers, your father, anyone who held power over you.”
My father? No, fuck no! Please! Burn me alive. Break every bone in my body. Or at the very least, gouge my fucking eyes out!
“Every bad decision led you, the middle-aged Army master sergeant, an all-American southern boy.” An invisible hand touched my neck down my chest. “As the main course of a bondage festival.”
I could feel several more hands touching me.
“Have you ever heard of a ‘Detroit sidecar’?”
I actually had heard of it; the practice of fucking someone’s colostomy port. Not usually part of the BDSM scene, more of something homeless people did for drug money.
“Maybe I’ll let them cut you open, and fuck your internal organs. I figure it’s one of the few things you haven’t experienced in your worthless life.”
That still sounded better than facing my father. “Do your worst.” The words echoed only in my head, but I knew Leo was reading my thoughts.
“You seriously didn’t mean that.”
“I’ve seen hell. There’s nothing more you can do to me.” I was here because I deserved it. These were my memories, my fuckups. I relaxed my body, closing my eyes.
“Well, have fun.”
I felt dozens of hands touching me. Some wore gloves, while others were bare. But I could feel each and every cruel touch; pulling, gripping, stroking, and cutting. Someone was cutting my stomach, letting the blood run down my hips to my cock. It hurt less than I thought it would. The real terror came with the knowledge that since I was ready dead, I would not blackout, ever. I had to experience each and every detail.
The blood from the open wound mixed with the cold lube, the kind used for ultrasounds. I wanted to vomit. Luckily, I had little time to focus on the pain in my stomach. Bound and gagged with my mouth forced open, I took one sex organ after another down my throat. I was choking on flesh, blood and other bodily fluids.
“You comfortable?” Leo’s voice asked, from a place where I could not see. But he was no longer speaking through a PA system. He was somewhere in the room. “You think I’m making fun of you and I am. Like I said before, I was human once. I knew what it was to live, love and lust. But nothing that bordered on sadomasochism. Drug addiction can be a real bitch.”
The room erupted with laughter. And I knew why; I was hard. My pitiful human dick was pressed against my stomach, sticky with blood, lube, and cum. I felt genuinely ashamed. It was a level of humiliation that made me truly sick.
“His dick isn’t even that big,” said one male who sounded like SSgt David Grey, the drill sergeant I fucked during the third week of basic training. I was a nineteen-year-old kid with a preexisting medical condition that could have gotten me kicked out. I knew he wanted me out. But he also wanted me.
In one last-ditch effort, I’d snuck off base and brought him drugs. He practically overdosed on ecstasy. I let him have my body, my dignity. I let him fuck my ass until he felt like a real man. He could tell right away I wasn’t a virgin: I was a faggot, a freak.
My mind flashed to the horrible memories. Thoughts of self-hatred, panic and eventual self-mutilation. But after all the revulsion, I became stronger. I had to believe I wasn’t worthless. My life had a purpose.
“Open your eyes, Adam, you’re really failing my test. At this rate, you’re going to rot in hell.” Leo’s voice was closer.
A hand gripped my cock, rubbing the tip as a second hand attached a tight cock ring on my pathetic five-inches of manhood, preventing a full climax. My body; hips, thighs, and ass clenched, with a deeply intense orgasm.
“I just love how his big, strong body quivers,” said another voice, this time a female. “Those abs are a thing of beauty.”
I opened my eyes to the sight of Dr. Leah Heart. Dr. Heart was one of my psychiatrists. She was a cute little brunette who looked like a younger version of my wife. I never fucked her. She made it known that my PTSD made me a worthless coward. During our therapy sessions, she’d make me strip naked, and pray for forgiveness. With a mouth full of bible quotes and a heart full of anger, she whipped me, cut me. One mark for every time I could have given my life to save another soldier. She wanted me to cry, beg, for forgiveness. Those men and women who died overseas, they were human. I was just trash. My life was trash, my existence was trash.
Leo stepped into the light and patted my shoulder. His skin was a normal, human shade of tan, as opposed to the shimmer of a guardian angel. He was just another BDSM client. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’d have to be strong to endure something like this.”
Leo, please don’t leave me. You can stop this. Please save me.
“When do we think the branding ceremony will begin?” The next male voice caused my chest to clench. It was my father.
Yup, this is Hell. My eyes slammed shut. My father died in prison when I was a child. That was the one saving grace of my life.
“I can’t wait to fuck up this slut.” This was positively my father.
But I had to open my eyes. I had to face the full extent of my sentence.
Leo walked his fingers down my shoulder. “I can feel where you tore your bicep two years ago, in an accident in California. The support beam went straight through your arm. I can’t even imagine how painful that was. Did your heart stop? Were you scared?”
Another cock tried to fuck my mouth, gripping my hair.
Leo’s voice came from behind my head. “Damn, man, how did things get this far? I mean, I know you had always kept in shape, from your days as the hottest piece of shit in high school varsity baseball.” His voice moved to the front of the table. “And when you fucked up your arm, you fucked your way into the military. One of the few places where the job requirements include a mandatory bi-yearly PT test.” He chuckled. “What do you have to do; run a mile? push-ups, sit-ups, even pull-ups? I remember those from gym class, always such a pain the ass. I can only imagine how much worse it was to attempt to pull your entire body weight, with torn muscles and broken bones.” Suddenly he sounded closer. “With all the pain you put your body through they should have never let you deploy that one last time.”
He wasn’t wrong. But even so, I was the one who volunteered for deployments. I’d heard stories of soldiers whose wives’ files for divorce and drained their bank accounts while they were deployed. Part of me didn’t care if that happened to me. My worth as a man was to give Marni a life that would make her happy. Because she deserved to be happy.
I should have died overseas. The government would have cut Marni a check and she could have gotten a free pass to find someone worthy of her love. I would be gone. No heaven or hell, just gone. God, I wanted so badly to be gone.
Leo looked at me with a sense of compassion. “You know what? Screw this.” A rush of wind blew through the room causing all the contact to cease. I opened my eyes as Leo removed the cum covered mouth guard. “I want to talk to you like a human being.”
I blinked tears from my eyes. The room was once again empty and completely dark. But I could see him. Leo’s long hair shimmered in what little light entered the room from an unseen source. He was back to being a guardian angel. My angel.
I swallowed hard and then spoke my truth. “I was always a sucker for deployment pay and hardship bonuses, the same reason why I took a position in rural Alaska. You go where you’re needed because that’s where the money is.”
Leo nodded. His rainbow hair sparkled in metallic shades of purple, red and blue. The illumination had become brighter, there was some kind of light source in the ceiling. “And with your wife and daughter back in Mississippi, every dollar you earned for them felt like love.”
My throat trembled, contorting in pain as I started to sob. “Staying away felt like love.” Those were words I had only ever allowed myself to say in my head. I could have left the service, finished college, gotten a job that kept me near my family. It was always my choice.
“That was why, instead of surgery, you attended physical therapy. So, you could continue to work?” Leo’s words were more of an observation than a question.
“Yeah, I-I tried,” I said through a forced breath. I could own that. I will own that; my mistakes, my fuck-ups. Everything I did for my own selfish reasons. “It all worked out, for a while, right?”
“Until you started to become delusional with fever.”
“Yeah, that was a bad batch of…” I genuinely couldn’t remember. I just know I passed out at work, in the bathroom.
“The medical records listed it as pneumonia, but the local doctors knew the truth. They had seen it before; military men and women forced to maintain a level of stability, and sanity to maintain employment. Which was why you turned to street drugs; anything you could get your hands on. Or anything that was offered; because on-base doctors, all they can prescribe is Midol.” Leo’s voice was gradually becoming more friendly, even jovial.
“You’re not wrong.” The military hospitals had two states; sick or well. You were either well enough to work or you were relieved of duty. I could only assume this was to keep healthcare costs down.
“Unlike Dr. Ethan Rogers,” Leo muttered.
Really? We have to go there?
“You remember Dr. Ethan, the off-base physical therapist with the trendy facial hair, and a wide variety of drugs?”
“Yeah, I remember.” Leo’s mockery was annoying but still a more tolerable level of hell. “I needed help and I needed painkillers.” My leg had been broken and reset so many times I’d lost count. I should never have been allowed in the military. I should never have put myself in a position where my only option was to crawl on my knees until my body failed. “I was strong, I just needed a way to make it through the day without dying. And Dr. Ethan was the answer.” He was part of a network of local doctors who had a reputation for getting people what they needed, for the right price.
“Fentanyl, methadone, heroin; enough for you to consent to begin filmed, stripped naked and told to masturbate to climax,” Leo said with a laugh.
In hindsight, the situation was actually a little funny. Most drug-seeking soldiers would sign over their life insurance or engage in other long-term contracts that would involve bank and wire transfers. This was, of course, done to avoid the fate that I’d dove headfirst into.
I couldn’t give them my money; the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow was the whole point of pissing away my life on a military career. So, I did the next best thing. They wanted pictures, videos. Dr. Ethan said that my masculine body could bring in a few thousand views; closeted men who wanted to jerk off, and meek, professional women who fantasied about bringing a man to his knees.
“You would put on a show for the good doctor, something he could put online for all his sick followers. You knew how to play along, how to just take it, learn to love it.”
“Yes.” I was no longer ashamed. This was my past. “I will own my actions, and accept my fate.”
“When you needed more you whored yourself out, to men, women; anyone who wanted a warm hole to fuck. That’s how your fate came to be.”
One figure stepped forward; a masked female with the body of a porn star. She glided to my side with a robotic, inhuman, grace. Her fingers caressed my cheek as she pressed her lips to my ear. “How’s my southern junkie slut?” The voice was General Alyssa Blake; my supervisor, my best friend, one of the few people who never abused me. “Open your little slut mouth.” She kissed my lips, slipping a pill from her mouth to mine. “I bring mercy.”
Thank you. My body felt a rush of intense pleasure. But I was still restrained. I was not getting out of the worst part of my punishment.
Alyssa lifted her mask, looking into my eyes. “Stay strong, Sargent. You’ll need that last shot of courage for where you’re going.”
“Am I being punished for sleeping with you?”
The room burst into laughter. Not from people or spirits, just the room itself.
“Please, I’m so sorry.” I didn’t try to point out that I was sick, dying. I literally had sex with her before falling into a coma. The pain had been so bad, and I had lost so much. I just needed someone. But that would make me a victim. I was not a victim.
Alyssa sighed. “That’s the problem. You chose to live half a world away from your wife and little girl. You chose a life of drugs and sex. You chose this, Adam.”
A room full of people wearing surgical masks descended upon my body. There was more demeaning penetration; oral, anal, even those who wanted to make their own holes. Cutting, bleeding, burning, it all feels amazing when you’re high enough.
“Your man-pussy is so tight.” Demeaning, hate, rage, pain; fuck this world, fuck this life.
“Fuck him hard, tear him up inside!” Laughter, humor, cracking through reality itself.
Someone flared up a blow torch. A chorus of wicked laughter ensued throughout the room. “Spread your legs, slut.” I didn’t know whose voice that was, as the sound was masked, digital.
My leg restraints were released but quickly held down by at least six pairs of hands. My legs were spread like a dog, a bitch, as a barely lubed vibrating dildo was shoved in my ass without mercy. I knew things were tearing, this would later be followed by hours of bleeding. Only then did I get a look at the branding iron, an elaborate design made from a thick coat hanger. It was glowing, just hot enough to fuck up my leg.
My poor pathetic messed up leg, the thought of it made me laugh. From the femur, my father shattered when I was a child, the knee I tore up in high school, the muscles, tendon, and bones that had already been to hell and back. Bring it on, I can take it.
Several pairs of hands gripped my throat, as a female voice spoke. “We’re leaving the gag out, but if you make so much as a peep, we’re just going to kill you.” A large butcher knife was placed to my lower lip. “This blade is going to go in your throat and then we’re all going to fuck you as you bleed out.”
I nodded. I understand. Let’s get this over with.
The hot iron was pressed to my inner thigh, dangerously close to my balls. I knew why. I was not to move or scream. I was to be the perfect little sex slave. I bit the inside of my mouth until it’s bled, as tears welled up in my eyes. This was, of course, greeted with more laughter.
“What would your commander say if she saw you right now?” asked one man.
“His commander? What would his wife say?”
The woman who’d been holding the branding-iron to my now smoldering flesh gave the thumbs-up. “I think we’re done here. The imprint came out rather nice.” She took the cock ring came off. And I came hard. Load after load of cum coating my stomach. She took off her mask fully revealing her face. It was my wife. Her dark eyes filled with an inhuman lust as her black hair tumbled down in waves.
This was certainly different.
My wife never set foot in Alaska; she was never the one who hurt me. She had no role in any of this. “What would your precious daughter say, when she’s surfing the web on her iPad and finds out her dad is a…” The fake Marni paused to lick my open wound.
“Fuckboy slut?” I asked in a moan. An electric jolt rippled through my damaged muscle and I ascended. I wanted so badly for her to hurt me. Maybe that was why I didn’t care that she had another man’s child. She was my dream girl, my wife. I would have wanted her there.
“I was going to say pain-slut, but that works too.” She got on the table, crawling up my body until her lips met mine. “Always wanted to hurt you really bad.” She gripped my testicles with a firm squeeze. “This is all you are, right?”
“Yes, Mistress.” I didn’t mean to call her that. My body was on fire. I wanted her; I wanted her straddle me, ride me. I would gladly burn in hell.
The vision of Marni went quiet. She brushed a lock of hair from her face. “You never had the right to sell what belonged to me.”
In her eyes, I could see the year of our marriage. Every time she built me up; when she believed in me, stood with me. “I’m so sorry.”
Marni shook her head. “Don’t be. I know I hurt you worst of all.” My wife kissed my lips, holding the kiss as she faded into dust.
I screamed when Dr. Ethan poured antiseptic over my new wound. “You belong to us now. We will give you all the drugs you can ask for. In exchange for your body, your mind, your ass, your cock and…your fucking soul.”
I cried out in pain, but just as quickly was given a shot directly to my thigh muscle. My body trembled with intense pleasure. I felt my eyelids flutter, as my eyes rolled back in my head. I no longer felt afraid. My body felt relaxed, calm. Was that really so bad, to stay here on this table forever?
In a bolt of white light, Leo reappeared. He walked towards me, starting a slow clap. “Now that you’ve heard both sides; it’s your turn, Adam. What do you want?”
I wanted to see my family again, I wanted to live again.
No, that wasn’t it.
I wanted morphine.
I wanted hope.
I wanted something, or someone, to heal my pain. “I want to know real love, but I fear it’s too late.” I want to know the love of a parent, a partner, a child, and a friend.
“It’s never too late.” Leo grabbed Dr. Ethan by the back of the neck.
The doctor looked genuinely shocked and surprised, but he had no time to react before Leo punched a hole through his chest. The sound was like a branch being broken; hard, dry, maybe a little bit crunchy.
I mentally prepared myself for blood or some hellish second form, but there was a black hole where Dr. Ethan’s heart should have been. “So, what are you, the sexuality superhero?”
“I kind of like the sound of that,” Leo said as he wiped his soot-covered hand on his white pants. “LGBTQ-man, the defender of all that is beautiful loving and strong.” With a wave of his hand, the restraints vanished.
I heart was awash a sense of happiness, hope. But my throat felt abnormally dry, too dry to even cry out. My body was in undeniable agony. I said no to the sexual abuse but with that deal, I also said no to the drugs. Oh God no. I was genuinely too afraid to sit up.
Leo came closer, examining my state. “Do you have something to say?”
“Ca-Can you save me?” I gasped, fighting for each breath. “A-Am I even worth saving?” I started to laugh. Wow, I was such a loser; I fucked my way through life, and now I was fucking up my eternity.
“You wouldn’t be the first.”
I could help but agree. In truth, I wasn’t any more or less hopeful but yeah, he wasn’t wrong. It was a law of the universe. “We all fuck our way through life.”
Leo placed his hand upon my chest. “But you were always worth saving.”
There was a bright light followed by an electric blast straight to my weak heart. I took a breath and then another until I felt strong enough to sit up. This was strength. Not morphine or some other temporary fix. This was real. This was me.
“Take your time, Soldier,” Leo said as he patted my shoulder.
I was sobbing as he lifted my face. I couldn’t help but smile.
Leo kissed my lips, soft and slow. “You passed my test.” He tasted like cotton candy, the kind I had when I was just a boy. Going to the country fair, the last good memory I had with my mother. “Did you like that?” Leo looked at me with his sexy green eyes. They seemed to sparkle like diamonds among the sea of his caramel, tan skin. He kissed me again. This time his mouth tasted like my grandmother’s sugar cookies.
My heart was flooded with emotion as tears welled up in my eyes. Looking down at my body, I saw no more blood or cum, only light.
Leo lifted my face and kissed me again, tasting like the grocery store cake slice I shared with my wife on our first anniversary. He tasted like every flavor of trust, truth, and hope.
He took off his shirt, revealing his tattooed chest. On one side of his ribs, Leo had a metallic blue cross, over a glowing blue sacred heart. When I placed my hand upon that side of his body, I felt a rush of cold. The sensation was like a cold beer on a hot summer day.
On the opposite side of his ribs, he had a stylized orange and yellow flames. But that would have to wait. Leo sat on my lap. If he was still wearing clothing I couldn’t tell. “Now it’s my turn to touch you.”
I could feel his hips, his thighs. I couldn’t tell if I was hard, all I could feel was the warmth of his touch.
“Do you accept my invitation? Will you stay with me?” he asked between breaths. “Will you be my partner.” My angel paused for one more kiss. “My equal?”
My response took me only a moment. “I do.”
Leo smiled. “I’m glad.” He licked his fingers like a paintbrush and proceeded to touch my neck, down my throat.
His fingers felt intensely warm. I had never experienced a heated stone massage, but I would not be surprised if this was the tactical sensation; the touch of an angel.
Leo’s magic fingers traced a design down my chest. “Your lifeline is more than your hands.” Blue energy emanated through my skin, creating a map of sorts. “Much like the veins of a piece of marble, your lifeline is all the beauty of your journey.”
The feeling of his finger upon my naked skin was a culmination of every great moment of my life. The intense mixture of emotions was like nothing I had ever experienced; a deep sense of hope. We kissed soft and slow.
I thought of Marni, and Alyssa, the only two people I ever made love to. Everything else was just sex. But Leo was different. Leo was the embodiment of everything I wanted, and everything I wanted to be.
I wrapped my legs around him, in a way that would allow him to do the same. There was no need to speak. I could feel him inside me, the way I felt so many times before. But instead of domineering force, I felt complete. We completed each other. Or perhaps Leo was just blessed with a master key that could fill the holes of damaged man.
I could feel his breath in my lungs and a climax building in my core. This was beyond touch, beyond the flesh. I held him close, gripping his back.
“You good?” Leo asked, in a seductive breathy whisper.
“Everything’s just really intense.” If I could breathe, I would be gasping for air.
Leo kissed my neck, down my collarbone. “Just relax, let me hold you.”
I leaned my head back. The orgasm was like a wave of pure ecstasy. I couldn’t ejaculate, I had no cock, no ass; I had no physical body. it was a never-ending sensation rippling through my soul. “Please kiss me.”
Leo cupped my face, gazing into my eyes as he caressed his lips to mine. In that moment I knew now that I would finally be okay. Leo was everything I needed. His companionship, his love, everything he is, was and would ever be. He was my home, my Heaven.