via Daily Prompt: Zoo
A while back there I got an email alert someone left a review of a story I had not worked one, let alone seen in years. It was so hilariously bad; the story of undead witches, angels being eaten alive, and McDonlands. But at the time I remember it being quite profound. This inspired me to do a countdown- the top 5 most ‘cringeworthy’ stories of my fanfiction archive.
Let’s look at the freaks-
#5 Made to Be Broken (Captain America)
His hair grew long, facial hair came in until, little by little, he bore only a slight resemblance to the man known as “winter soldier “- if you can count a metal arm as “slight”. That was one part of his past that would not go away anytime soon.
He still did not fully know who “James “Bucky” Barnes” was, but he would walk until he did.
When he was hungry he ate when he was tired he slept, but his body still required very little of either. At the current time, he was still a 90-year-old man chemically frozen in time as an assassin in his 30’s.
Without the help of Hydra’s scientists, he knew he would start to age. Would it be rapid and painful? Or slow like a normal human? At least he would know what it meant to be human.
His mind was flooded with such thoughts, to the point where he could not sleep for more than a few minutes before getting awoken by random panic attacks. He had walked for 24 hours straight following a highway to god only knows where. The snow had started to fall, and he had no clue what his next move would be.
If he died out there; in the middle of the road, perhaps it would be karma for all that he had done in the past. That was when he was hit by an out of control semi.
He awoke shivering and in what looked like a hospital bed- in someone’s house. The door slowly opened and a pretty blonde appeared;”hi… wow you’re finally awake.” she said without even knocking, as if she had been checking on him for several hours or even days.
“My names’ Layla… and I know stuff,” she said with a smirk. She was not traditionally pretty; she had the look of a soldier. But her hair was wild/natural as if she let it grow out on a whim.
“Pepsi?” she said offering him a can of soda. She looked about 25 maybe 26 years old. What could someone like her know?
“Why am I here?” he asked through labored breaths. His ribs were broken, and he could barely lift his head. He looked down to see bandages covering his chest. The pain got worse the more conscious he became.”
“Why? Not -where? Wow you really are Winter Soldier.” she laughed.
“Ok- then -where? Where are we,” he said, almost praying the pain would knock him out. Was this the result of being free? As a soldier of Hydra he had been shot dozens of times, suffered broken bones, bruised organs- but he had no memory of even being in this much pain.
“Janesville, Wisconsin- at a safe house for X-Factor.” she said in a sweet, professional manner. “Open”. She touched two fingers to his lips. He opened his mouth and she placed a few pain pills that he gratefully swallowed.
“Is that a subdivision of x-men?” he asked, he had at least heard of x-men.
“Something like that; we get invited to parties like the ‘let’s all flee to the giant bubble in the San Francisco Bay’ party.”
“What…?” he said, in a confused voice- if she was trying to make a joke it was falling on deaf ears.
“Nothing- I just meant…”
“You do your own thing.” he cracked a smile. She was beautiful, and something about her seemed trustworthy.
#4 Talking to Angels (American Horror Story)
Grace came home from college just like she promised she would. She hated coming back to the northern Louisiana farm; it was full of death and decay. It was once a normal looking farm, or at least a functional farm. but after her mother died, the world went all to hell.
Which is appropriate considering her father is the son of one of the most powerful witches of all time (and unlike for female children- in male children powers DO NOT skip a generation).
But why did Grace come home? Because she heard her father was sick. He sent her a single letter asking for her help. He had exhausted his powers, but he knew of others who might be able to save him.
But they probably wouldn’t. Grace already knew that, because the woman who could save him was one of his worst enemies.
But Grace had a plan B that she would make into her plan A. she would seek out Misty; the eternal one. She had met her before as a child, this blonde woman who would forever look about 25 years old. She was a nice enough person, who did not get many visitors; she was more than willing to pay the farm a visit. Grace picked her up in her rental car and they both traveled to the farm for the first time in years.
“Nothing can be done,” Misty said as she approached the main house- and that was severe coming from Misty; she had seen an ungodly amount of darkness in her life. The unholy energy hung thick; like smog.
She still agreed to have dinner at the house, if only so Grace would not be alone with whatever resided inside.
“Dad?” Grace said as she opened the door. Of course, it was not locked; not even the postman came to this place.
the large man appeared; Jeddidiah Hedrick, or just Jed. 6 foot 5 with straggly shoulder length blonde hair, and piercing blue eyes. he had a Viking meets “Texas chainsaw massacre” look; a hulk of a man but with a strong muscular body and face that could best be described as painfully beautiful.
He cooked a meal of chicken potatoes and corn. All of which tasted like cigarettes- but not because anyone was a smoker. The animals, the plants, even the walls of the house should have died long ago; everything was held together by dark magic. It was like a glue that held everything in suspended animation. His hands callused hands couldn’t not stop trembling, even as he tried to talk to Grace about school and other positive topics. He needed to pause every few minutes to cough; a cough that sounded so deep in his lungs, it was made everyone uncomfortable.
The girls ate politely and left immediately.
Grace drove Misty home, and along the way, they talked; the dark magic was to strong. Misty was the master of resurrecting the dead, but she knew that even in death Jed’s body would be toxic, her magic would be completely blocked out.
“Give him comfort, then let him go,” Mistry said, holding Grace’s hand as she exited the car. “I tell you this as a friend. Please, do NOT seek out Fiona.”
#3 This is How We Roll (How to Train your Dragon/ Red vs Blue)
Astrid, the thin blonde founding member of the dragon riders was riding her large blue dragon on patrol. But that night was different, the island was experiencing a thunder storm unlike anything she had ever seen before. She knew she needed to land, but was suddenly caught up in a torrent of wind that appeared to be pushing her straight towards a massive blast of lighting.
Meanwhile thousands of years in the future a small outpost called bloodgluch was experiencing something similar- but it was not the work of nature. Team blue had been working on a teleporter, but they didn’t have it down quite yet- and they may or may not have ripped a hole in the fabric of time and space by trying to harness lighting as a power source.
Astrid Crashed down in the middle of a “war” of sorts. Two teams of 4; team Red and team Blue, as she would grow to learn were in a constant battle that seemed to only involve watching each other and guarding a flag.
She had crashed in the “blue” side of the canyon where she was greeted by a happy solider wearing aqua blue “armor”
“Are you ok darlin’? and your…um what is that animal? oh I’m sorry, where are my manners I’m Captain Butch Flowers, and this is team Blue.”He said helping her to her feet. He seemed nice enough, but the rest of his team was keeping their distance.
“Her flying pony looks scary!” said a darker blue solider.
“Thanks, I’m Astrid and this is Stormfly, my …dragon and I assure you she’s not …scary.” This was so strange to her, but at least this Captain Flowers guy seemed nice.
“Your what?!” shouted a different lighter blue solider. He decided to come closer and take a shot in the dark as to why a dragon and a girl dressed in Viking gear was now at their base. “um.. Miss, where are you from? By that I mean country and YEAR.”
“Church be polite and introduce yourself. Miss Astrid this is Church.” Flowers motioned.
“I’m from Berk, an island in the north Atlantic and the year was 780…ad.” she added, as if it made this situation any easier to comprehend.
“oh (swear word Astrid had never heard before)!” Church said, heading back to the base to find a way to fix what they had done.
“Can I pet your flying pony!” shouted the dark blue solider. He was now jogging toward her.”My name is Caboose- since Captain Flowers says it’s rude to talk to you without saying our names.”
“um..ok.. this is Stormfly. You can pet her but you need to follow my directions.” luckily the directions were pretty simple.”First you face away, next you touch her nose.” She even demonstrated the two motions.
“How can I touch her nose if I’m facing away.” Even with his armor he was concerned about what would happen if he missed.
“It’s not difficult, I promise.” She even positioned his body for step one.
“Flying pony please don’t bite my hand off.” since Stormfly was already a trained dragon the process went smoothly.
“Very good.” She smiled.
“Now I want to ride the flying pony!”
#2 Darling (Deadpool)
He never felt so afraid. In battle he was witty and funny- living in his own mind; with his own child-like creativity. But seeing her naked in her bed- their bed, waiting for him made him physically weak, bordering on sick. He was wearing the costume, as if it would give him courage.
“Just come to bed.” she said, she could sense the hesitation. “Just let me hold you”.
He lay in bed with her; her dark hair, deep brown eyes. He left for over a year because he lacked the faith that she could still love him. (and the fact she got kidnapped due to his lack of faith was still fresh on his mind.)
But her love was more then beauty. Yes, the first time she saw it face she joked it would take a few drinks to get used to his face, but that was just to lighten the mood, prevent herself from breaking down in tears.
In bed, she took off his mask, looking in to his eyes. The same kind, free-spirited eyes that made her truly happy. She traced her fingers along his cheek bone. He looked like a burn victim, but what was so bad about that? Lots of people had scars; victims of fire or acid attacks, it didn’t change who they were. In fact -no, he didn’t look like a victim, he looked like a survivor.
She kissed his forehead, holding the kiss long enough to make him realize he was still beautiful in her eyes. She missed him so much, her heart was so overjoyed. She kissed his lips, caressing his face as tears rand down her cheeks. How could he ever question her love?
“Let me touch you.” she slowly undid the red suit. She first revealed his shoulders and chest. The skin looked the same as his face; scared but still human, still the man she loved. She kissed his shoulder then his chest. His body was as strong, if not stronger then before he was sick.
She could feel the breath in his lungs; the subtle rise and fall of his chest. It had been so long, too long. It was so comforting.
The feeling of her breasts touching his bare skin was making him hard, maybe he could do this; maybe he was still worthy of her.
He touched her face, he just wanted to look in to her eyes; he needed to see the love and kindness. Of course it was there, it had always been there
He removed his suit, and whatever cartoon character underwear he happened to be wearing, leaving himself naked and exposed. But he didn’t lie, his cock was power powerful then ever (which was way he had to jerk off as often has he did, when he had no angel to share it with.)
He laid on his back as she moved her beautiful face towards his 8 inch cock, that was hard, but she knew how to make him so turned on he could barley breathe. It involved touch, tongue, and fingers in naughty places. He felt a deep intense orgasm that that hit him like a hard ocean wave emitting from his cock, to his hips, abs, chest. He had a beautiful shortness of breath he been dreaming about since the day he walked out on her.
#1 Soda Kills you and Jesus saves (American horror story)
It was the same demon camp ground Madison attacked before. There were even bodies of those she actually managed to kill.
“As you can see I’ll be needing some replacements.” It was the blue demon speaking in a voice soft and feminine but scratchy and pain stricken. She emerged with her same beautiful dress made of icicles and glitter, in contrast to mutilated face. “I saw how you died” she added with a chuckle.
Yes, Madison died because she got greedy. She could have any boy she wanted, why did she feel the need to have Kyle? And why did she think he loved her more than Zoe? Why did this jealously over rule all other sense of logic and decency?
“You belong here.” said the blue demon, “all we need to do is give you a sip.” With these words the previous scene started to shift; the bodies of familiar demons crumbled away as reality itself started to warp; this was not the same camp. Demon soldiers brought out a crucified angel.
She was already mostly disemboweled, maybe save-able if Madison was feeling heroic- but Madison had no idea where she even was. (Saving Nate had largely depended on having a place to bring him to.)
One of the solider demons carved off a piece of angel flesh using only their nail, he/she (hard to tell with demons) then squeezed it like an orange, sipping only the blood. A glowing energy spread from his/her mouth to every part of the body; a shot of pure power.
“Have a taste.” the genderless creature said in a scratchy but kind hearted voice.
Madison reached out and touched the chuck of flesh. She seriously considered it; after all she was a horrible person in life so perhaps she was destined to be a demon.
Then fate interceded. Two hands grabbed her and behind them, two golden wings, pulling her in to the streets of San Francisco, California: the perfect place for an angel to hide.
But when she turned around, of course, he was hiding his wings. Nate had on a denim jacket, t-shirt and jeans, the unassuming cloths of a San Francisco teenager.
“I’m sorry.” was all Madison could think to say. she looked down and noticed she was now wearing a long sleeve purple sweater dress (something she would have never selected for herself.)
“It’s ok- well not 100% ok- you died with a heart full of well…hate…” he said the last part as if he hoped to not offend her.
She was not used to hearing it referred to as “hate”- yes she was jealous but hateful? “I guess…”
“But you’re not a lost cause.” Nate smiled, “you’ll just be hanging out with me for a bit.”
He took her to a McDonalds where they got two large soda and set down to ‘people watch’
“Do the angels ever actually fight the demons?” she asked in a way that might have come off as a little rude. After all he did rescue her.
“…soda kills you but jesus saves” he said, as if that made all the sense in the world.
“the song lyric?” she asked.
“Greed and jealousy, combat- unnecessary things that give you a moment of “feeling” even if it’s not anything good or useful- like a soda.” he said taking a sip, “but words can save.”
“Save-how?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Give it a try…” he said. With that he closed his eyes and opened them again as if he conjured the next scene in to reality.